Brushing your teeth at work:
Please do not brush your teeth in a public restroom at work.
This drives me absolutely crazy.
Some guys park themselves in front of the mirror for 5 minutes to give an oral exam - with flossing nonetheless!
There are literally molecules of poop and piss floating around in the air in that restroom that are landing on your toothbrush.
Trust me, the ventilation is always awful in all public restrooms.
So please enjoy
that thought in your supposedly minty-fresh mouth.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Peeing in stalls in a public toilet:
If you are peeing in the stall, which should almost never happen (see other post)...
But if you happen to be peeing in a stall, be a gentleman and flip up the toilet seat. Use your shoe to gently push up the seat.
Don't be the dick who pisses on the seat.
Some co-worker of yours may be in an Emergency Dumping Situation and need that seat in a panicked terror.
If you are peeing in the stall, which should almost never happen (see other post)...
But if you happen to be peeing in a stall, be a gentleman and flip up the toilet seat. Use your shoe to gently push up the seat.
Don't be the dick who pisses on the seat.
Some co-worker of yours may be in an Emergency Dumping Situation and need that seat in a panicked terror.
Diarrhea at work:
If you have the misfortune of hearing someone having a mean case of explosive diarrhea, be sure to give them a wide berth. The every-other-stall-spacing rule may need to be expanded at that point.
In fact, it may be best to take your own pooping to another floor or another restroom in the building.
Also, never make eye contact with that poor pooper. He is in enough pain already.
If you are the unfortunate one having diarrhea, always take the farthest-away stall. And learn the Courtesy Flush (see other post).
If you have the misfortune of hearing someone having a mean case of explosive diarrhea, be sure to give them a wide berth. The every-other-stall-spacing rule may need to be expanded at that point.
In fact, it may be best to take your own pooping to another floor or another restroom in the building.
Also, never make eye contact with that poor pooper. He is in enough pain already.
If you are the unfortunate one having diarrhea, always take the farthest-away stall. And learn the Courtesy Flush (see other post).
In situations where all of the Urinals are filled to capacity:
If the urinals at your workplace are somehow full, take a lap once around the toilet. Go check your mail slot. Talk to the cute receptionist. Go look at the vending machines.
If the urinals are still full, this is the only situation in which it may be acceptable to use a stall to pee in.
This rule does not work the other way around though.
If the urinals at your workplace are somehow full, take a lap once around the toilet. Go check your mail slot. Talk to the cute receptionist. Go look at the vending machines.
If the urinals are still full, this is the only situation in which it may be acceptable to use a stall to pee in.
This rule does not work the other way around though.
Watch your Badge/ID when pooping at work:
If you are in a stall taking a dump, always be careful about your work badge/ID.
Frequently, people at my work have their badges/ID's clipped to their belts.
When your pants are on the unsanitary ground, your badge is on your belt, and it's just sitting there poking out from under the stall door, advertising your stinky shitting self.
I recommend putting your badge/ID in a pocket to avoid announcing your poop to your co-workers.
If you are in a stall taking a dump, always be careful about your work badge/ID.
Frequently, people at my work have their badges/ID's clipped to their belts.
When your pants are on the unsanitary ground, your badge is on your belt, and it's just sitting there poking out from under the stall door, advertising your stinky shitting self.
I recommend putting your badge/ID in a pocket to avoid announcing your poop to your co-workers.
Wiping Protocol
If you are in a stall, but there is someone else in another stall, He who starts wiping first gets to leave first.
In that instance, you are not allowed to exit until he has finished wiping, flushed, washed his hands, and exited the restroom.
Only at that point are you free to leave your stall.
If you are in a stall, but there is someone else in another stall, He who starts wiping first gets to leave first.
In that instance, you are not allowed to exit until he has finished wiping, flushed, washed his hands, and exited the restroom.
Only at that point are you free to leave your stall.
Proper Spacing in a public toilet:
When using a public toilet, proper spacing is crucial.
Always go every-other toilet.
If you must break the every-other rule, then take the over-sized handicap stall at the end. Those are the least-intrusive ones.
I could write an entire rant about times while I am pooping at work, and I am the only person in the restroom. We have a full 6 urinals + 6 stalls. So, if I sit in stall #5, inevitably the next idiot who comes in to take a dump will almost always go right next door into stall #4. Completely rude and unprofessional.
It drives me insane. It almost makes me mad enough to throw my poopy-wiped toilet-paper over the wall into their stall.
When using a public toilet, proper spacing is crucial.
Always go every-other toilet.
If you must break the every-other rule, then take the over-sized handicap stall at the end. Those are the least-intrusive ones.
I could write an entire rant about times while I am pooping at work, and I am the only person in the restroom. We have a full 6 urinals + 6 stalls. So, if I sit in stall #5, inevitably the next idiot who comes in to take a dump will almost always go right next door into stall #4. Completely rude and unprofessional.
It drives me insane. It almost makes me mad enough to throw my poopy-wiped toilet-paper over the wall into their stall.
Acknowledging Co-workers in the bathroom:
It is best to never acknowledge another person's existence in the bathroom.
If you are going to do it though, a subtle head-nod acknowledgement is next best. That is the only manly acceptable communication in a restroom.
If you must be an idiot and open your mouth, a one syllable greeting may be acceptable:
"Hey"
"Hi"
"Sup"
Not "POOP!"
Using someone's first name is taboo in the restroom:
"Hey Steve!" is just downright rude, because you have just essentially outed Steve to anyone lurking in the stalls.
It is best to never acknowledge another person's existence in the bathroom.
If you are going to do it though, a subtle head-nod acknowledgement is next best. That is the only manly acceptable communication in a restroom.
If you must be an idiot and open your mouth, a one syllable greeting may be acceptable:
"Hey"
"Hi"
"Sup"
Not "POOP!"
Using someone's first name is taboo in the restroom:
"Hey Steve!" is just downright rude, because you have just essentially outed Steve to anyone lurking in the stalls.
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